Before coming to Japan, I didn't really know what to expect of a homestay family and how I would be treated within a Japanese family. I had no idea that there were so many hidden rules within the family, especially with guests. At first, I was treated as a guest, or soto. When I first entered the house I was shown all of the first floor rooms, and nothing about the second floor. For two months I had never even set foot upstairs and had no idea what was even up there. I joked around with my friends, calling it the "forbidden area". The first time I went upstairs was when I asked to use the internet, since the internet router is located upstairs.
Besides that, I was always given my main meal first, miso soup first out of everyone, and slightly bigger portions. Until just recently that was how it was. But that was their way of treating me as a guest, I just was shocked that it lasted as long as it did. However, even without myself, there is still an "order" in the family. Otousan always gets his food either at the same time as me or before me. Either way, it is before everyone else. He is also always the first to use the oofuro at night. On the flip side, my Okaasan is always the last to eat, and the last to take the oofuro bath (unless one of my host sisters stays up really late at night)
I don't take baths at night, instead I take showers in the morning, but still , there is a definite order in which the baths are taken, and when food is served. In my household, there are a few more small rules, such as when every night at 8:45 we have to watch Kansai News, or else Otousan will get mad. We also have to turn down the volume when he eats dinner with us because he thinks the television is annoying. I have tried my best to turn from being a soto / guest, to being part of the uchi, or part of the family. And with only three weeks less I can see how far I've gotten, but I have to leave soon, after getting to know my family pretty well, and its a little disheartening. If someone had explained to me all the hidden rules with guests in Japanese households, maybe I would have gotten to where I am now much earlier.
Link: At Home in Japan
It is difficult to become a member of a host family in such a short time even if one does know the rules. I think discovering the rules as you did makes for a more interesting experience. Since you have got closer to your host family I hope you will stay in touch with them.
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